Wisconsin State Fair, Saturday

[needsacatchphrase]

Well, Jane had mentioned checking out ridiculous Midwestern fair food with Wanda sometime this summer. And it was a good enough weekend to escape the heat of Maryland for the cloudy and slightly drizzly weather of Wisconsin.

Portalocity was great for that.

"Are pickles a thing here?" Jane asked like Wanda might now. Wanda who was decidedly not from the US. Yep.

[for the lady mentioned! NFB, obvs]

Comments

[scarlet_chaos]

"It certainly seems like it," Wanda said. "There's also more alligator than I was expecting."

Weren't they just in Florida?

[needsacatchphrase]

It was also meant as a break form the unceasing humidity by coming up here. Clearly.

"Maybe it's a colloquialism. You know. Like Rocky Mountain oysters."

[scarlet_chaos]

"What's that colloquialism for?" Strangely enough, not a delicacy in Sokovia!

[needsacatchphrase]

What if they wrapped it in cabbage and stuffed it with rice?

"Bull testicles," Jane said, making a face.

[scarlet_chaos]

"Shut up, people don't eat that." Please be joking, Jane.

[needsacatchphrase]

"I don't eat it," Jane insisted. "But people... apparently do."

Wait until they learned about lutefisk. Which was a tradition that New Asgard apparently had just not kept around.

[scarlet_chaos]

"But why?" She would have the same question when she came across the bug chow mein here.

[needsacatchphrase]

"I have no clue. Using all of the animal?"

But odds were high on Thor trying them before he knew what they actually were.

[scarlet_chaos]

Oh he definitely would.

"You can count me out on that," she said. "Apple pie fries seem more my speed."

[needsacatchphrase]

"Yes," Jane said, grinning at that idea. "Oh, and those cream puffs."

That was going to make the biggest mess and probably go viral when someone got a picture.

[scarlet_chaos]

"It's only right we try both," Wanda said with a nod. "We're here on official New Asgard business, after all."

Taste testers for a future fair.

[needsacatchphrase]

"I think we'll pass on the alligator even though I just know they'd love to eat it there."

And also ask if they could be used as mounts in combat.

[scarlet_chaos]

They were so close to the ground it'd be impractical to use them as mounts!

"I don't think there's any kind of meat they'd turn down," she said. "Except for, like, human, but I bet that's just for moral reasons, not because they think it wouldn't taste good."

[needsacatchphrase]

"I don't think I really want to check that," she admitted. "Considering how weird myths about them can be?"

At least most of them were pretty wrong.

[scarlet_chaos]

"Yeah, some things are best left a mystery," she agreed. "Do you think they'll go for the livestock portion of fairs? Like judging the prettiest cow and all that?"

It wasn't a cow beauty contest, Wanda.

[needsacatchphrase]

"I think so?" Jane said, peering over the crowd to check if they were near that at all. Even though they'd probably smell it if they were. "And pigs and chickens too."

They really didn't understand what the point of the competition was at all.

"Oh, maybe there will be baby ones."

[scarlet_chaos]

"Ohhh that would be so cute!" Wanda said. "But I wouldn't be able to judge on the prettiest, I don't want that kind of responsibility on my shoulders."

Again, not what they judged.

[needsacatchphrase]

"We can judge privately." Guys, no.

[scarlet_chaos]

"We'll avoid hurt feelings that way." If not from the animals, then from the farmers who raised them.

She tilted her head at another sign. "Pickles on a donut?"

[needsacatchphrase]

"That sounds like pregnancy food," Jane said, wrinkling up her nose at it. "Or drunk food."

Which was remarkably similar.

[scarlet_chaos]

"I'll try the pickle donut if you try the pickle corndog," Wanda challenged.

[needsacatchphrase]

"Oh, easy," Jane replied, already getting into line. Because she could use her new bulk to scare people off from trying to cut. "You picked the worst one, I'll have you know. Pickles totally work as a corndog."

[scarlet_chaos]

"The concept of a corndog in general disturbs me." Which was the only thing one needed to prove Wanda wasn't American. "Pastries I understand."

[needsacatchphrase]

"It's just a hot dog surrounded by deep fried cornbread---okay, I can see how that's weird now," Jane admitted, trying to think of it from Wanda or maybe someone from Asgard's perspective. "But fried pickles are good bar food, so this has to be the same, right?"

[scarlet_chaos]

"I would think so," she said, nodding. "Also bodes well for the donut. It'll be like...a fried bagel."

Hopefully.

[needsacatchphrase]

"We can split them," Jane said with a nod. "To confirm for both things."

And in case they were bad.

[scarlet_chaos]

Wanda made a face at the idea of consuming a corndog but realized fair was fair. “Okay, deal. Are we actually going back to Valkyrie with reviews?”

[needsacatchphrase]

"We are here on official business, but... I didn't bring a pen or anything, so we might just have to come back for that," Jane said, trying to appear completely innocent about using their connections to have fun here.

[scarlet_chaos]

"We can be like those people on the internet who take artsy photos of their food." They just had to remember to take the photos before eating.

[needsacatchphrase]

"Ooo, good plan." In no way would they remember until bites had already been taken. "Should we get also get the... pickle fudge?"

Yeah, it took her a little bit to actually get the words out there. Because what even?

[scarlet_chaos]

"How about we get it and then make Steve try it when he's not a dog?" Pickle fudge sounds like something they made during the war because of rationing, sure.

[needsacatchphrase]

Jane nodded in agreement with that. "You know you've lived a weird life when that's a normal thing to say."

[scarlet_chaos]

"And it's one of the more normal weird things to say," Wanda admitted. "We do seem to turn into animals a lot."

[needsacatchphrase]

"Better than disappearing from reality, I guess."

Shared trauma!

[scarlet_chaos]

"Oh, definitely," she said. "I mean when I turn into an animal I turn into a snake and being limbless is still better."

[needsacatchphrase]

"I just turned into an oversized house cat and slept in sunbeams." Possibly attempted to pull a rickshaw for some real mythological fun.

Jane beamed and accepted their pickle monstrosities from a worker who was a little overwhelmed by a lady in armor and a cape without this being a RenFair.

"A snake makes me think of Loki."

And all the 'adorable' stories Thor had of growing up with him.

[scarlet_chaos]

"Well I was a red snake if that helps," she said. "We both tend to be very loyal to our color palettes."

[needsacatchphrase]

"As long as you didn't stab anyone when you turned back," Jane teased. "That's his M.O."

Or was. It was confusing.

[scarlet_chaos]

"No need to worry," she said. "I don't stab from the back or the front."

She just wasn't much of a stabber in general.

[needsacatchphrase]

"Then we're safe," Jane said, offering over the donut. The savory donut.

It just didn't seem right.

[scarlet_chaos]

Wanda accept the donut with a hesitant smile. "It's scarier in person."

[needsacatchphrase]

Jane nodded, using her corndog like a shield as she looked at it again. "At least they didn't try to put pickles in the lemonade or anything."

[scarlet_chaos]

"Shhh, don't give anyone ideas," Wanda joked. She held up the donut to take a bite. "Oh, god, the pickle smell I haven't even bit into it yet."

[needsacatchphrase]

Jane laughed and saluted her with the corndog before taking a bite. Her expression said she didn't hate it at least as she waited to see if Wanda would 'accidentally' drop the pickle donut on the ground.

[scarlet_chaos]

Wanda Maximoff was no coward! Even when it came to food abominations.

She took a decent sized bite of the donut, ensuring she got both the pickle and the cream cheese. Her nose scrunched up as she chewed, but she didn't spit anything out which was a win for the donut.

"Pickle-y."

[needsacatchphrase]

"It is a pickle donut," Jane replied. "Mine actually isn't that pickle-y. It's pickle more adjacent."

Probably because hot dog and corndog batter could overpower a lot.

"Do you want a napkin?"

To spit into.

[scarlet_chaos]

She shook her head. "No, I'm good. It's not so bad once the cream cheese hits."

Not, like, great, but it grew on you after a couple chews.

[needsacatchphrase]

They were far from the land of bizarre Old Bay combinations that somehow worked, that much was evident here.

"Corndog?" she offered, still giving the donut a look of suspicion.

[scarlet_chaos]

Wanda snorted. "No, thank you."

Somehow adding pig to the cream cheese and the donut and the pickles of it all seemed like a recipe to vomit. Especially if they went on the Tilt-A-Whirl later.

"I'm pretty sure if New Asgard's goal is bringing more tourists to the area, the pickle corndog and pickle donut might not be the way to go."

[needsacatchphrase]

"Strongly agreed," Jane replied with a serious nod. "Maybe if they stick with tried and true fried foods and just give them mythological names?"

[scarlet_chaos]

Wanda nodded. "Maybe we can sneak some puns in there too."

[needsacatchphrase]

"Bad puns because what's the point in good ones with fair food," Jane replied. "It's supposed to make you groan a little, I think."